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Parents in Denial

Fear of Exposure

Q: I am a career nanny and have worked with all types of children. Six months ago I was hired by a family in New York City, whose name is well-known and respected in society circles. They are the proud parents of two beautiful children: a 5-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl. I noticed early on that there was something wrong with the little girl; she is very disconnected, does not respond when you try to interact with her, seems disinterested in what is going on around her, and yet she is sensitive to some types of noise. From previous experience, I recognize these to be symptoms of autism. I may be wrong about this, but the child is definitely not normal and needs help. The parents don’t seem to have a clue or are in total denial. The little boy often tries to play with his sister, but he gets no reaction from her, and I see his frustration. One time when he complained to his mother that his sister doesn’t like him because she never wants to play with him, the mother just brushed it off. I tried to broach the subject with her, diplomatically, but she made me understand that her little girl is fine, and that she is just showing signs of her grandfather’s personality at an early age, that of a great scholar and thinker. I am very saddened that nothing is being done for this child at this early stage, so that she can get immediate help. I feel powerless in this situation and really feel that it is very irresponsible of her parents not to address such a serious issue. I feel guilty that I can’t help. What can I do? Should I risk speaking bluntly?